All Shall Be Well

My mother had two strokes on Easter Sunday and went into a coma. We traveled to western NY on Monday thinking we would be planning a memorial service. Then the stone was rolled away from the tomb and Mom came out of the coma. They took her off the ventilator on Tuesday and by Wednesday she was talking (though not always clearly), laughing at jokes, sitting up, and even eating. My brother and his wife arrived on Wednesday night from West Virginia and we all (I have three sisters as well as my brother) spent quite a bit of time with her on Thursday. James and I said goodbye to her on Friday and drove back to Pittsfield. She was asleep when we left and I knew there was a real chance it would be the last time I saw her alive. Indeed, the next day she was much less responsive and today, Sunday, they discovered pneumonia in her left lung. The doctor asked again about whether we would respect her Do Not Resuscitate order or put her on a feeding tube to give her another chance to recover. After several phone calls back and forth between all five siblings, we decided to wait until tomorrow to make any further decisions. By then we'll have a better idea what her chances for recovery are now and decide whether to intervene or simply let her body do what it can and will do on its own. The really hard part of it all is that she is still very much aware (when she's awake) and very much herself. When my father had a stroke, he disappeared in the storm and never really returned. My mother, however, is still Mom through and through. When one of my sisters said something to Mom today about me coming back to see her again, Mom frowned and made her "Don't make a fuss" face. She always wants us to just live our lives and not worry about her.

Today during our church service, I sang this song by Yvonne Lyon. People wondered how I could get through it, given my mother's current situation, but singing is my way of organizing my feelings and putting them out beyond my small self, sharing them with all those who have felt or are now feeling the same way. And my mother loves music and the fact that my siblings and I all continue to make music in our lives. So I sang for her, and for me, and for my sisters and brother, and for everyone else out there who needs rest.