Payday

I got my first full-time paycheck today—actually only half what it will be from now on since I was on vacation the first week of the pay period—and promptly went out and spent most of it! Well, 3/4 of it. Half was on groceries: I've existed on peanut butter, a rotisserie chicken, and leftover rice-and-bean casserole for the past 4 days because James is out of town, I've been wiped out from my first days of full-time work at Jo-Ann's, and I came down with a cold on top of it. So extra-curricular activites like grocery shopping fell by the wayside. But now the cupboards are full again and I have a plethora of options for dinner tonight. James returns tomorrow—YAY!—and my cold is receding. So life is definitely much improving.

The other 1/4 of my check I spent on myself: a few yards of various clearance fabrics on sale half-price this weekend, along with some fall floral things and a couple other odds-and-ends at Jo-Ann's; and two pairs of pants for work, new bath mats for the guest bathroom, two nonstick frying pans, and other sundries from TJMaxx. When considering my "calling," I have never placed full-time middle-management retail work high on the list. But it sure is nice to be able to buy groceries, and still have a little left to spend on frippery like clothes, home decor, and cookware. (Our old "nonstick" frying pans had deteriorated into a sad suggestion of a surface between the burner and the food. Not particularly useful anymore, or appetizing. We've probably been ingesting toxic levels of nonstickery with our eggs for some time now...)

When my boss told me about this full-time job opening and asked me to consider it, my mother had just died. In fact, I was back home for a few days between my mother's death and her memorial service, not in the frame of mind to think about significant shifts in my working life since I had yet to even consume the fact that my mother was gone: GONE. So my first answer was "No." My boss persisted, I told her I'd think about it, and then after my mother's memorial service I came back to work and said "No" again. But she refused to take No for an answer and told me the offer wasn't "off the table" yet! So I wrestled with the pros and cons, talked through scheduling concerns with her, got the clear message from James that the added stress in our lives of me working full-time would be outweighed by the reduced stress of having enough money to pay bills, and finally told my boss "Yes." I realized that the only reason I had for saying No is that I don't want to work full-time. Which seems rather self-indulgent. Not that I don't have good reasons for not wanting to work full-time: I worked full-time the last 5 years we were in Tucson and it was exhausting, given James's job as a pastor that calls on a lot of energy from me as well. And we had very little time to spend together, and the time we did have was usually spent doing all that household errand-type stuff that gets put off until your day off, etc. But still, to say No only because "I don't want to" is pretty childish.

So, the good reasons to take on the extra hours and bring home the extra money: (1) It will help James feel much more secure financially and take a big load off his shoulders. Anything that reduces stress in this family is a big plus! (2) When so many other people are unemployed or underemployed these days, including members of my own family as well as close friends, how can I turn down the offer of going full-time? It just seems wrong in the current economy. (3) I really like the people I work with at the store, and if I didn't take this position we'd have to hire someone from outside and who knows what we'd end up with? (4) I really like the people I work with at the store, and I've found that who (or whom, if you're being a grammatical stickler) I work with matters more to me than the actual work that I do, in terms of how much I enjoy the job vs. how much it drains me. So, even if tracking merchandise and counting out register drawers and answering customer complaints isn't my dream job, I'll have fun with my co-workers and be grateful for the financial stress-reliever. All good reasons to say Yes.

I took Casey in the truck with me today to Jo-Ann's so he wouldn't be stuck in his crate all day again. I left him in the back of the pickup with the little communicating window open a couple of inches to provide cross-ventilation. When I came out of the store, he greeted me from the passenger seat up front—he'd managed to nose the little window all the way open and cram his ancient arthritic body through it to get up in the front seat. Pretty spry when he wants to be! Of course, he's been hobbling around ever since—his old hips really aren't up to these youthful pranks anymore. But I had to give him credit for doggedness.