One Minute and Fifteen Seconds

That's how long this video takes to watch.  It has an impact far greater than its length.

"Dove Evolution"  (It won't let me embed it here, so you'll have to click on the link to watch it.)

I read about this video in the book, The Woman in the Mirror, by Cynthia Bulik, PhD.  I can't say that I've cured my self/body esteem confusion issues after reading this book, but I have a lot more clues as to where they come from and how pervasive and insidious they are. 

While reading this book, I finally faced the absurd fact that I've waged a lifelong internal competition with my sisters as to who is thinnest, or "in the best shape," at any given time.  Thin Wins!  We all have Master's degrees; we're all successful, creative adults with impressive gifts; we all have lots of different factors contributing to our particular physical shapes over time.  But in my mind, if I'm the most physically fit, then I'm on top.  My life could be shitty in myriad other ways, but hey, "at least I'm thinner than she is right now." 

My life isn't shitty these days, and I'm not anywhere near the top of the Slim & Trim race with my sisters anymore, either.  I know that doesn't matter.  A flabby stomach does not mean I lose.  There is nothing to lose, except this stupid idea that the size of my stomach is somehow related to the size of my worth.  I'm practicing believing that.