Cumulus: What I See Is What I Am

I Franciscan spirituality emphasizes a real equivalence, symbiosis, and mutuality between the one who sees and what can be seen.

~ Fr. Richard Rohr

Figure skater Pascale Jodoin of LePatinLibre
at street festival, Montreal

Last night James and I talked about what our "defects" (from a book he is currently reading) are and how to hand them over to God knowing that we can't remove them ourselves. If we could, we would have done so long ago! The defect that immediately came to mind for me is my obsession with my physical form and fitness. I've tried everything I know how to do to get over this and simply love myself as I am—something I've never done, even when I was in terrific shape. And still I'm trapped in disgust with my body and with my mind that creates this body, etc., etc., blah blah blah. So it's obvious that I can't overcome this defect. I have to accept that and ask for it to be removed from me.

Then I read Richard Rohr's meditation for yesterday, that I hadn't read yet, and saw at least part of the answer. And an answer that takes in my question for this sabbatical: Who am I as a photographer? What is the truth that I want to express? What is true and real and how do I see it and show it through photographs? Different ways of asking essentially the same question. What do I see?

Here is Rohr's entire meditation—I can't articulate it better than this:

What You See Is What You Are (Friday, May 29, 2015)

Franciscan spirituality emphasizes a real equivalence, symbiosis, and mutuality between the one who sees and what can be seen. Francis had a unique ability to call others—animals, plants, and elements—"brother" and "sister" because he himself was a little brother. He granted other beings and things subjectivity, "personhood," and dignity because he first honored his own dignity as a son of God (although it could be the other way around, too). The world of things was a transparent two-way mirror for Francis, which some of us would call a fully "sacramental" universe.

All being can correctly be spoken of with "one voice" (univocity) as John Duns Scotus put it. What I am you also are, and so is the world. Creation is one giant symphony of mutual sympathy. Or, as Augustine said, "In the end there will only be Christ loving himself."

To get to this 3-D vision, I must know that I am, at least in part, the very thing I am seeking. In fact, that is what makes me seek it. But most do not know this good news yet. God cannot be found "out there" until God is first found "in here," within ourselves, as Augustine profoundly expressed in his Confessions in many ways. Then we can almost naturally see God in others and in all of creation, too. What you seek is what you are. The search for God and the search for our True Self are finally the same search. Francis' all-night prayer, "Who are you, O God, and who am I?" is such a perfect prayer because it is the most honest and always true prayer we can continue to offer.

A heart transformed by this realization of oneness knows that only love "in here" can spot and enjoy love "out there." Fear, constriction, and resentment are seen by spiritual teachers to be an inherent blindness that must be overcome. These emotions cannot get you anywhere, certainly not anywhere good. Thus all mystics are positive people--or they are not mystics. Their spiritual warfare is precisely the work of recognizing and then handing over all of their inner negativity and fear to God. The great paradox here is that such a victory is a gift from God, and yet somehow you must want it very much (Philippians 2:12b-13).

The central practice in Franciscan mysticism, therefore, is that we must remain in love, which is why it is a commandment as such (John 15:4-5), in fact, the great commandment of Jesus. Only when we are eager to love can we see love and goodness in the world around us. We must ourselves remain in peace, and then we will see and find peace over there. Remain in beauty, and we will honor beauty everywhere. This concept of remaining or abiding (John 15:4-5) moves religion out of esoteric realms of doctrinal outer-space where it has for too long been lost. There is no secret moral behavior required for knowing or pleasing God, or what some call "salvation," beyond becoming a loving person in mind, heart, body, and soul yourself. Then you will see all that you need to see!

Adapted from Eager to Love: The Alternative Way of Francis of Assisi, (pp. 7–10)

I'm not comfortable with "God" talk because I'm not sure what I believe about God and Jesus, and I still can't bring myself to say something that I'm not absolutely sure of—another defect I need removed! I'm definitely going to spend a lot of time with Rohr's sentence, "God cannot be found 'out there' until God is first found 'in here,' within ourselves…. "But even with my discomfort around God talk, I know that what Rohr is saying here is true. So my sabbatical photography exploration has become an exploration of myself, who am I "in here"? I can't see what's beautiful out there until I rest in beauty within. That seems like an impossible task. Good thing I have another 3 months to work on it!

And I take comfort in his parenthetical remark that it could be the other way around, too. Seeing the beauty and dignity "out there" can help me see it "in here."