Heat Wave

I've started timing them, just to give me something to do while sweating it out. For the past 3 weeks or so, my body has been stuck in a hot flash loop—I have so many every day and night that I can't even give you a ballpark number for them. Some last about 30 seconds, others go on for 2-3 minutes. I've decided it's best to wear less clothing than is comfortable when I'm not flashing so that it's not totally unbearable when I am. Which means I spend part of the time too cold, and the rest of the time too hot. Nighttime is the most difficult to figure out, given the frigid temperature of our bedroom (located directly over the unheated garage). When I'm not flashing, I need thermal underwear and the electric blanket on to be comfortable. But then the flashes are insufferable. Last night I tried wearing nothing and turning off the electric blanket, based on advice I found on several internet sites to lower the surrounding temperature to prevent triggering hot flashes. But the temperature differential between the sweaty times and the cold winter air was too weird, and I didn't have any fewer flashes. So I'm going to try a light t-shirt tonight—enough to keep the wintry drafts at bay, but hopefully not overly oppressive when my body temperature soars to 100-and-hell degrees.

This past fall the trouble wasn't hot flashes—it was severe mood swings. I'd spend 2 weeks out of every 4 feeling miserable, exhausted, unlikeable and incompetent, hating everything and everyone, and just wanting to be left alone. And then the other 2 weeks I'd bounce around like a happy puppy, loving everything and everyone, manically getting things done, careening down the road towards the next crevasse… I was really beginning to worry that my chronic depression was tilting into bipolar disorder—something I've known in others and dread suffering myself (and making those who love me suffer with me)—so I guess I can be grateful to the hot flashes for proving it to be Just Hormones. Or the lack thereof. The mood swings have ended—for now—and the heat wave has begun. As disruptive as the hot flashes are, I do prefer them to mood swings. As does my husband, I'm sure. Although he hates to be cold, and I keep turning down the heat in the house…