My Next Pilgrimage

A friend and I have agreed to work together (long distance) through Julia Cameron's Artist's Way and Vein of Gold this summer.   Since I've already done the Artist's Way twice, I'll be doing Vein of Gold, a book I've owned for years and have never used.  As Cameron says in the introduction,

"A pilgrimage is a physical process, a process that engages our heart and soul, not merely our well-honed intellect.  What this means is that the tools of Vein of Gold will be more deeply felt, and therefore more deeply resisted, than the tools of The Artist's Way.

That's for sure!  I think I've started this book at least twice in the 15 years I've owned it but have never persisted beyond the first chapter.  So, with my friend's help, I WILL PERSEVERE and complete the pilgrimage this time.

As a reward for myself for even committing to this pilgrimage, I bought fabric today to make the dress inspired by the Orange Dress of Karakoy.  It's blue, not orange, but it's gorgeous and has been singing to me like a siren ever since it arrived in the store 2 weeks ago.  I've found a pattern in the same style--I'll buy it this weekend when the patterns go on sale, so I can start working on the dress next week at the same time I start working on Vein of Gold. 

This past Sunday at the end of the sermon, James had us each write down something we want to throw away, and then actually come up and throw it in a trash can.  I decided to throw out, "I'm no good.  They're just humoring me."  A piece of garbage I've fed myself my whole life.  I crumpled up that paper and tossed it definitively in the trash.  So now I can't say that anymore.  Every time I feel it coming on, I have to stop and shut myself up.  And just do it.  Whatever I think I'm not really all that good at, that people are just humoring me in, I have to put it out there and believe in it.  Thankfully, our jazz band leader, Andy, said he wants me to keep singing with the band, so I'll be able to practice NOT telling myself that I'm no good and they're just humoring me.  And get better at it--at singing jazz, and at believing in myself.

And whenever I feel like I'm too fat to wear a flowy orange--or blue--dress, I have to just put it on and enjoy it.