4/24/14

ONA

Yesterday I posted this on Facebook.


I worried about it, and it took me a few minutes to figure out how to word my comment.  Why?  Because people at church might fret about me having a crush on a woman.  I'm married with the pastor, the male pastor.  So I emphasized "kid" crush.  As though it was just a phase I grew out of.  And I made sure I noted my current love for my husband, my male husband.

Since posting it, I've given myself a good talking-to.  I am who I am.  I have crushes on people regardless of their presenting gender.  And my husband knows and I'm pretty sure he's fine with it.  And as a pastor, he believes in a radically open table—ALL are welcome regardless of who they are.  Our church is, after all, an Open and Affirming (ONA) congregation.  Why should I worry about people knowing I sometimes fall in love with women?

It was a surprise to find this still-present nervousness in myself around this subject.  If I truly embrace the ONA life of our congregation, then I need to be open about my own place on the sexuality spectrum even when church folks might be listening.  I need to believe that our church welcomes me, too, even if I am the wife of the pastor.

Isn't it always when you suddenly come up against your own place in a problem that you find out how much work you still need to do on it?  Or maybe that's just me—it's always way easier for me to give space to others than it is to trust they'll give it to me.

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