Sheet Music Awards

I've been playing through a big carton of my grandmother's and great-grandmother's sheet music from the early 20th century that I retrieved from my mother's house last summer. Most of the music is more notable for its cover art than for the songs themselves (they obviously cranked this stuff out by the boxload back in the day, emphasizing quantity over quality), though there is the occasional gem.

Today's trip through the Roaring Teens & Twenties (and the odd Aught or two) netted me the following winners in three categories:

1) Most Over-The-Top Song (And Cover): "The Rosary"; words by Robert Cameron Rogers, music by Georgia B. Welles; published 1903

The hours I spent with thee, dear heart,
Are as a string of pearls to me—
I count them o'er each one apart,
My Rosary, my Rosary.
Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer
To still a heart in absence wrung—
I tell each bead unto the end,
And there a cross is hung—
A cross is hung—
Oh memories that bless and burn,
Oh barren gain, Oh bitter loss!
I touch each bead at last to learn
To kiss the Cross, sweetheart,
To kiss the cross, the cross, sweetheart.

[And this is in the collection of my devout Baptist foremothers!]



2) Scariest Cover: "Lullaby Land"; words by Frank Davis, music by M. Prival; published 1919


Runner-Up: "Forever and Ever with You"; words by Benny Davis, music by Joe Burke; published 1925

[This would have won first place in the Scariest Cover category if the Japanese woman(?) were full-size and not just an inset]






3) Songs You Wouldn't Get Away With Today: "In My Harem"; words and music by Irving Berlin (also a winner in the Irving Berlin Songs You've Never Heard Of, For Good Reason category); published 1913

[VERSE 1]
Down in Turkey-urkey, Pat Malone [or Abie Cohen, depending on your ethnic predilection]
Was selling fancy clothes to any one who'd wear 'em.
When the Turks were called away to war,
A Turk asked Patrick [Abie] if he wouldn't watch his Harem;
Patrick [Abie] said, "With pleasure, I will cover ev'ry track,
I'll take care of ev'rything, so don't you hurry back."
Patrick [Abie] then sat down and wrote a note
To all his friends at home, and this is what he wrote,

[CHORUS]
In my Harem, my Harem,
There's Rosie, Josie, Posie,
And there never was a minute King Solomon was in it,
Wives for breakfast, wives for dinner,
Wives for supper time;
Lots of fancy dancing, and it doesn't cost a dime,
In my Harem, my Harem,
There's Fannie, Annie, Jenny,
And the dance they do
Would make you wish that you were in a Harem with Pat Malone [Abie Cohen].

[VERSE 2]
Patrick [Abie] said, "I've got a thousand wives,
And ev'ry one of them has got a perfect figure.
Small ones, tall ones, big as they could be,
There's some as big as that, and some are even bigger.
That young Turk aint coming back until the war is won,
I don't wish him hard luck, but I hope they steal his gun.
I am living many happy lives,
How can a man get lonesome with a thousand wives?

[REPEAT CHORUS]